OH My December 26, 2007

December 26, the day after Christmas and I have eaten my way up to 212.3.  Twenty pounds up from my lowest. What am I thinking – or not thinking.

 Anyway I feel like crap, back hurts, have a zit right smack in the middle of my nose, tummy is bloated.  Must get back to healthy eating and I am actually rather excited to do it!

My Birthday is in 89 days, or 13 weeks.  At 2 pounds per week that is 26 pounds or 186.  How about a goal of 179, 2.5 pounds per week – very doable.

 Enough with the diet crap – Christmas was very nice and quiet as always.  Surprised DH and DD with a playstation2 and guitar hero.  They had a good time playing and let me spend some time napping and knitting.  My plan is to get 36 inches of the Crocodile scarf done in the scale pattern then begin the tail.  I will do photos of both that and the Lizard/Gecko scarf when I get them finished.

I am planning to start Jeanie from Knitty as soon as I get the scarfs for the niece and nephew done.

 Well this entry is very incomplete but an entry all the same!

Craisins are YUMMY November 7, 2007

And with 130 calories per 1/3 cup, they could get dangerous real fast.

197.5 this morning – how I am unsure.  Ate breakfast and lunch as planned but went shopping for some groceries before dinner – I was STARVING so I decided to nibble on the way home – I chose cheese, my greatest problem food. 8oz later the Monteray Jack was gone.  I kid you not, I ate 8oz of cheese in less than 10 minutes.  As I ate I kept thinking of constapation( a problem with cheese, but I are it anyway). 

So for dinner I went light though not LC.  A small toasted provolone sandwich, lots of celery and I started with a 1/3 cup of craisins for fiber (to avoid the dreaded constipation) and I probably ate another 1/2 cup after that. 

Sometimes I really do wonder how much I can eat – how big is my stomach?

Knitting – I did focus on getting 11 rows done on Candle flame which brings it to a giant 2 1/2 inches- only 67 more to go!

One day down… November 6, 2007

and the scale was down again – 197.6.  Of course wasn’t too tempted to eat to much last night.  I pulled something in my back and spent the night in bed.  Made it out of bed twice for tinkle breaks and popsicles- sugar free of course.

 No knitting, no nothing!

Today is planned again – eggs and ham, salad with tuna and spray dressing and tonight will be salad with some chicken.

Out of Order November 5, 2007

The Post below is from the 3rd, not the 5th

 With that said— yesterdaY  197.9 today 201.3, can you say yoyo!

Another commitment – Monday – Thursday I am going to follow a Kimkins ish program. Four good pure days is all I am asking, Friday Morning I will reassess.  Today is planned.  I am eating my egg/eggwhites and ham right now, lunch salad with tuna and Asian Spray dressing and dinner Lemon Garlic Chicken Breast (Saving Dinner Low Carb Menu) and salad.

Four days I can and will do!

Knitting – the Candle FLame Boucle  yarn has been replaced with a lovely black 80% Baby Alpaca 20% Silk called Buckingham, from Plymouth yarn.  Seems to be knitting up nicely but I have yet to get to the pattern, 18 rows of garter start the scarf, I will begin the pattern tonight!

Need to make sure I have a good light by my side as the black can be a little difficult to see

Out of Control

Healthy eating has flown the coop!  I have been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds for the past 2 months. Why I wanted to get back on track I discussed a month ago.  I guess the bigger question would be why am I willing to maintain this 190-200 weight. I am almost afraid to go there!

Anyway i was reading about people committing to blogging everyday for November.  I am off to a slow start but that is my commitment and each day I will post my weight

201.3

That will help me to focus.

Knitting – Finished Rogue and have started the KnitPicks free Candle flame shawl which I intend to complete as a Christmas gift for my mom.

Enough for today – time to shower and get on with life

Getting it back November 4, 2007

197.9

 Huge improvement – I am committed to NEVER seeing 2** again.  That said I must admit yesterday was a bit difficult – I was hungry~

 Plus I started the shawl Candle Flame out of the worst possible yarn – a vintage Boucle.  Not a great choice for Lace, more splitty than mohair plus it was BLACK.  Got through almost the first repeat and saw a huge off size yarn over– love the weight and the look but it would never do for a christmas gift for my mom.  I may have to make a road trip to the LYS for yarn for this project in that it is the only project I am feeling right now – plus knitting is a huge factor in being strong when food is calling me!

Why am I stuck! October 16, 2007

Why can’t I stick with this diet?

Why have I lost my motivation?

Why am I overeating and not even trying to maintain my lose?

I think the last question – Why am I overeating and not even trying to maintain my loss? Is the most troubling of all the questions.  Again I have fallen into the trap, “Well I still have more to lose so what the heck – I might as well eat the ^*)^^.” And I have been doing just that!

No I am not over 200 again but I have gone from well under 195 (191.7) to 197.2 today, all from eating too much a saying – “I will diet tomorrow.”

I CANNOT keep doing this – my health is at stake!  I have lost almost 40 pounds and though that is great, it is not enough!  I have goals.  I want to be able to run!  I really believe that I would enjoy being a runner.  The freedom, kind of like swimming, but there will be no running at this weight!

I want to be off all these meds for asthma!  I will be off these meds if I get to my goal weight!

I want to borrow my Daughter’s clothes.  I will be borrowing her clothes!

I can do this.  Today I planned my meals.  As I sit here right now I have food in my tummy and can make it til dinner.  I must plan and record my food everyday!

Why would I NOT want to reach my goal?  Not one calorie of the crap I have eaten through out the past 2 weeks has been that memorable, so it isn’t taste.

Part of it has been frustration – I have been feeling some frustration with everyone and I have been eating my way through it.  But I believe that the food has created an even bigger need for more food in me – a vicious cycle.

It is time to knit, to enjoy my family, to achieve my goal!

*** On the knitting front – Sunday I discovered I made a mistake on the second sleeve of the Rogue hoodie– Did I mention I made a mistake on the first sleeve and had to rip back 60 rows.  Anyway this time I ended up ripping back 70+ rows.  I have re-knit this yarn more times than anything I have ever done.  And I keep smiling and going back to it!

 Promise photos of the WIP soon

New motivation September 29, 2007

I felt so good this past Monday, felt I looked, dare I SAY  slim – then I caught a look at myself in the mirror.  Decided to snap a few pics and see how I feel about it later.

 It is later – I feel YUCK!  Look at that Tummy!  I have loaded this photo as wallpaper on my computer – that should help keep me focused too.

 Another motivation that is less visable but truly terrifying – I have packed up all my old – too big clothes and sent them off to Salvation Army(kept one pair of jeans).  I have no pants that would fit decently if I were to gain 10 pounds. In pants I own 1 size 14 jeans, 2 size 16 casual khaki pants, 1 size 16 navy blue pants and 2 kind of biggish black Sag Harbor sotton polyester pants ( that must be replaced for winter).  I am at a place where I have committed to losing or maintaining. 

Enough Whining September 28, 2007

Wednesday night I ordered another bracelet.  I bought a 14kt gold bracelet shortly after I started this weightloss program.  I started at 233.3 and the bracelet was to be a reward for breaking the 200 mark.  I broke that barrier around the 2oth of August.  Now 5 weeks later I have been flitting around 193 to 196 for all to long.

 So I ordered another bracelet that will go to hubby to hold until I get to 183.3 – the magic 50 pounds.  It has been two full days since I placed the order and I am really doing quite well!  This morning was 192.8 and I have decided that I will get another bracelet that needs repair fixed when I get into the 180’s.  Of course if I keep rewarding myself with bracelets that I always leave on, I may end up with a few ounces of gold on my wrist – which of course would not be a bad thing.

 On the knitting front, the body of Rogue is complete as is one sleeve, I am through most of the hood, but I wanted to get the sleeves done in case I ran out of yarn!  It looks like I will have more than enough yarn so I am considering making Baxter a matching hoodie!

Over 40 pounds September 12, 2007

Yeah!  After skirting around 39 pounds for about a week and a half, finally I took the plunge and dropped to an alltime low (at least for the last 6 years) of 192.9.  Of course the past week or so hasn’t really been diet focused – I think I was close to being satisfied with the weight I had lost and wasn’t excited about the work involved to get to goal, or at least to the next milestone. I had been eating to much protein and FATs and very few veggies and I was drinking NO water!

 Yesterday though I got a bit closer to being on track – Salad with a bit of Chicken with Wishbone spritzer for ‘brunch’, a bland chicken breast for mid afternoon and a delish pork stir fry for dinner.  The Pork was really easy. 

Pork cut into strips, mixed with 2 tablespoons of Zesty Honey Mustard (6 carbs) and a teaspoon of thyme.  Saute until done, remove pork then add 4 oz of white wine , let cook down, add 1 tablespoon of marge until melted, then add pork back in with a cooked package (16oz) of frozen cauliflower.  Toss until well coated and heated through, then serve – about 4 servings

 The recipe is a modification from the Saving Dinner menus for last week.  If you are unfamiliar with Saving Dinner, it is a subscription service that provides 6 menu plans, recipes and a grocery list for each week.  I subscribe to the LowCarb service and the recipes are not bland, most are all amazing.  They are not particularly low fat, but aren’t high fat either.  There can be a fair amount of carbs but they are almost all veggies.  If you have problems figuring out what to have for dinner for your family, do go check it out www.savingdinner.com. Best part for me – no more sitting at the table trying to figure out what to feed the family and then compiling the grocery list – it is done for me!

I also had a major insprirational moment last night – I was flipping channels in bed before hubby came up and passed Wayne Dwyer on PBS, stopped for a moment and listened to him explain a bit about (how I heard it) how goals are made up of small steps and accomplishments, that focusing on the big picture may have us forgetting to do the small things we need to do to get there.  He analogized it to a world ranked tennis player.  The tennis player has a goal of winning the tournament, BUT they win tournaments because they focus on the steps it will take to get there and they keep the focus on the step directly ahead of them, the next point, the next game, not to many points ahead.

 I think I was doing that with my weightloss, I had started thinking about maintainance, about life at goal, about everything but what I needed to do TODAY to make it a step closer. I was thinking only of LONGTERM goals versus the short term. 

So with a day of good on plan eating and new weight I am re-energized!  I realize I have a monumental weight so close , the 180’s.  So that is the more immediate goal and the points I have to win is keeping to healthy eating, little more exercise (I haven’t been doing the firm) and letting some water pass my lips

 Keep playing those points and it will be GAME, SET and Match!