Why am I stuck! October 16, 2007

Why can’t I stick with this diet?

Why have I lost my motivation?

Why am I overeating and not even trying to maintain my lose?

I think the last question – Why am I overeating and not even trying to maintain my loss? Is the most troubling of all the questions.  Again I have fallen into the trap, “Well I still have more to lose so what the heck – I might as well eat the ^*)^^.” And I have been doing just that!

No I am not over 200 again but I have gone from well under 195 (191.7) to 197.2 today, all from eating too much a saying – “I will diet tomorrow.”

I CANNOT keep doing this – my health is at stake!  I have lost almost 40 pounds and though that is great, it is not enough!  I have goals.  I want to be able to run!  I really believe that I would enjoy being a runner.  The freedom, kind of like swimming, but there will be no running at this weight!

I want to be off all these meds for asthma!  I will be off these meds if I get to my goal weight!

I want to borrow my Daughter’s clothes.  I will be borrowing her clothes!

I can do this.  Today I planned my meals.  As I sit here right now I have food in my tummy and can make it til dinner.  I must plan and record my food everyday!

Why would I NOT want to reach my goal?  Not one calorie of the crap I have eaten through out the past 2 weeks has been that memorable, so it isn’t taste.

Part of it has been frustration – I have been feeling some frustration with everyone and I have been eating my way through it.  But I believe that the food has created an even bigger need for more food in me – a vicious cycle.

It is time to knit, to enjoy my family, to achieve my goal!

*** On the knitting front – Sunday I discovered I made a mistake on the second sleeve of the Rogue hoodie– Did I mention I made a mistake on the first sleeve and had to rip back 60 rows.  Anyway this time I ended up ripping back 70+ rows.  I have re-knit this yarn more times than anything I have ever done.  And I keep smiling and going back to it!

 Promise photos of the WIP soon

New motivation September 29, 2007

I felt so good this past Monday, felt I looked, dare I SAY  slim – then I caught a look at myself in the mirror.  Decided to snap a few pics and see how I feel about it later.

 It is later – I feel YUCK!  Look at that Tummy!  I have loaded this photo as wallpaper on my computer – that should help keep me focused too.

 Another motivation that is less visable but truly terrifying – I have packed up all my old – too big clothes and sent them off to Salvation Army(kept one pair of jeans).  I have no pants that would fit decently if I were to gain 10 pounds. In pants I own 1 size 14 jeans, 2 size 16 casual khaki pants, 1 size 16 navy blue pants and 2 kind of biggish black Sag Harbor sotton polyester pants ( that must be replaced for winter).  I am at a place where I have committed to losing or maintaining. 

Enough Whining September 28, 2007

Wednesday night I ordered another bracelet.  I bought a 14kt gold bracelet shortly after I started this weightloss program.  I started at 233.3 and the bracelet was to be a reward for breaking the 200 mark.  I broke that barrier around the 2oth of August.  Now 5 weeks later I have been flitting around 193 to 196 for all to long.

 So I ordered another bracelet that will go to hubby to hold until I get to 183.3 – the magic 50 pounds.  It has been two full days since I placed the order and I am really doing quite well!  This morning was 192.8 and I have decided that I will get another bracelet that needs repair fixed when I get into the 180’s.  Of course if I keep rewarding myself with bracelets that I always leave on, I may end up with a few ounces of gold on my wrist – which of course would not be a bad thing.

 On the knitting front, the body of Rogue is complete as is one sleeve, I am through most of the hood, but I wanted to get the sleeves done in case I ran out of yarn!  It looks like I will have more than enough yarn so I am considering making Baxter a matching hoodie!

Over 40 pounds September 12, 2007

Yeah!  After skirting around 39 pounds for about a week and a half, finally I took the plunge and dropped to an alltime low (at least for the last 6 years) of 192.9.  Of course the past week or so hasn’t really been diet focused – I think I was close to being satisfied with the weight I had lost and wasn’t excited about the work involved to get to goal, or at least to the next milestone. I had been eating to much protein and FATs and very few veggies and I was drinking NO water!

 Yesterday though I got a bit closer to being on track – Salad with a bit of Chicken with Wishbone spritzer for ‘brunch’, a bland chicken breast for mid afternoon and a delish pork stir fry for dinner.  The Pork was really easy. 

Pork cut into strips, mixed with 2 tablespoons of Zesty Honey Mustard (6 carbs) and a teaspoon of thyme.  Saute until done, remove pork then add 4 oz of white wine , let cook down, add 1 tablespoon of marge until melted, then add pork back in with a cooked package (16oz) of frozen cauliflower.  Toss until well coated and heated through, then serve – about 4 servings

 The recipe is a modification from the Saving Dinner menus for last week.  If you are unfamiliar with Saving Dinner, it is a subscription service that provides 6 menu plans, recipes and a grocery list for each week.  I subscribe to the LowCarb service and the recipes are not bland, most are all amazing.  They are not particularly low fat, but aren’t high fat either.  There can be a fair amount of carbs but they are almost all veggies.  If you have problems figuring out what to have for dinner for your family, do go check it out www.savingdinner.com. Best part for me – no more sitting at the table trying to figure out what to feed the family and then compiling the grocery list – it is done for me!

I also had a major insprirational moment last night – I was flipping channels in bed before hubby came up and passed Wayne Dwyer on PBS, stopped for a moment and listened to him explain a bit about (how I heard it) how goals are made up of small steps and accomplishments, that focusing on the big picture may have us forgetting to do the small things we need to do to get there.  He analogized it to a world ranked tennis player.  The tennis player has a goal of winning the tournament, BUT they win tournaments because they focus on the steps it will take to get there and they keep the focus on the step directly ahead of them, the next point, the next game, not to many points ahead.

 I think I was doing that with my weightloss, I had started thinking about maintainance, about life at goal, about everything but what I needed to do TODAY to make it a step closer. I was thinking only of LONGTERM goals versus the short term. 

So with a day of good on plan eating and new weight I am re-energized!  I realize I have a monumental weight so close , the 180’s.  So that is the more immediate goal and the points I have to win is keeping to healthy eating, little more exercise (I haven’t been doing the firm) and letting some water pass my lips

 Keep playing those points and it will be GAME, SET and Match!

Flashing Lights September 9, 2007

Wrote this on Friday..

Today,  I caught a glimpse of myself as I was leaving the house and thought, “You are actually getting close to that visualization your have of yourself”.

 

One of the visualization I use frequently while I am driving is one where I am wearing black, slim through the hip slacks, wider legs, white blouse, tucked in, short blonde hair, high black heels and a fair amount of 14kt gold jewelry.

Today the hair looks good, I am wearing a red pants suit (you know the one – jcpenney Sag Harbor, oversized long blazer) white tank and a nice amount of 14kt gold jewelry and some fake, plus my high heeled black sling backs. I am not exactly the size of the visualization, but the feel is getting closer.

So as I am driving along to work, I start my visualization and then I start thinking of my hair and actually considering having my hairdresser actually color and highlight it for me – More my natural dark base color with a more platinum highlights, rather than this strawberry blonde ish color I get no matter what color blonde I go and normally I am too cheap to pay to have my hair colored– Anyway I am deep in thought when what do I see behind me – Flashing lights.

I pull over and so does the trooper – AACCKK,  Had no idea what I had done wrong, only to find I had not come to a complete stop it seems, at a Stop sign!  Guess I visualized myself right through the sign- OOPPSS, first ticket in 30 years!

So off I go with my fresh ticket sitting next to me, I am trying to be careful, but am still really feeling rather good about myself, ticket hadn’t fazed me, but what appears behind me – FLASHING LIGHTS,- I pull to the side and so does the state trooper!  OMG! And it looks like the same trooper as before!

The woman Trooper walks up and I am about to have a stroke!  I am clueless on what I might have done this time, and then she just looks at my inspection sticker and says “ I couldn’t make it out, it is rather low and the same color as your car”  by then I am manically laughing – and I try to explain I had just gotten a ticket only 10 minutes earlier! She was surprised by my reaction and story until she actually saw the ticket, then realized I wasn;t a complete lunatic!

Anyway, as I drove off from the trooper for the second time in a 30 minute commute I turned on NPR and decided that I was no longer going to use drive time for extensive visualization exercises.

Me and my ‘diet’ September 8, 2007

I do clearly remember the day I found Kimkins – June 9, 2007. That Saturday morning I announced to my husband my weight, 233.3 and told him that was it, I was going to go back to good old fashioned Atkins, lots of chicken and meat and pork.  Then I went off to the grocery store to stock up, at check out I saw the Women’s World and decided to purchase it.

 Brought the Magazine home and read the Kimkins Article and it made complete sense, a lower fat, low carb was what I needed, so I joined immediately and kind of followed the program.  I say kind of because I have a long dieting history and A LOT of diet knowledge.

 Guess a little history of me is in order.

• Mom put me on Weight Watchers when I was in 6th grade, I weighed about 120 and was 5′3″
• Joined weightwatchers at 16 for the first time – weighed probably 150-160
• Senior year of HS did the nasty liquid protien – remember that cherry tasting stuff- OMG
• Bought about every diet book and magazine for about – oh ever-
• Got really slim after college on the “Date Diet”, coffee and an bagel at break, Tab/Diet Coke and Popcorn for other meals, drinks after work if going out, and real meals with even dessert if a “date” was paying.  I was dating alot then so this worked and I maintained about 132 until I met my husband.
• Knew I was obese when I got married – 5′4 and 148
• Joined WW again after wedding – got nowhere
• Gained to 158ish then went to work for WeightLoss Clinic International as a sales consultant and later director.  This was a 500-800 calorie a day program, low fat, and higher protein- I actually got down to 130 again, but I ate as I wanted on the weekend and followed the 500 cals on the weekdays
• Left WLC, had a baby, and settled back into the 150-160 range still considering myself obese
• Moved a couple of times and fluctuated back and forth between 150-180.  Dieting was easy, maintaining impossible, probably because I never considered myself slim, always thought- when I gained a pound or six, “Oh well, I have ?? pounds to lose anyway, what will this -fill in the high cal food- hurt.
• About 9 years ago I really discovered Atkins and with the help of the internet I also learned even more about diet and also how food worked for me.  I went from 184 to 149 in about 4 months.  In the end I was eating an ultimately healthy diet, proteins, veggies, natural fats, no dairy, no caffiene.  I was also walking an HOUR a day.  I was amazing! but I still thought I had more weight to lose …
• Went back to school and discovered this level of careful eating and intense exercise was difficult/impossible, slowly the scale went up, and up and up.  Graduated 3 years later at 202 (never had been there before except when pregnant)
• I had gone on a diet almost each day from that time forward, I kept trying to go straight back to the intense eating plan I had been following years before.  Each daily failure added a few more – “Why bother” calories and pound and I each year another 6-8 pounds.

So the day I choose to go to normal Old Fashioned High Fat Atkins was a turning point.  I had accepted that all or nothing dieting was not going to work – Atkins was a good program that worked for me in the past and if I needed to tweak it, well I could do that down the road. 

So I took on Kimkins – the biggest differences between “My Atkins” and how I practiced Kimkins was

• the use of those Wishbone salad spritzers – YUM!  That has made such a difference, no more drowning salads ( or anything else slightly low carb) in Ranch Dressing
• Veggies – Cauliflower, broc, brussel sprouts, cabbage – cucumbers, salad stuff are all somewhat free foods for me, I really don’t count veggie carbs
• I stay away from ‘white foods’ you know the bread, potatoes, rice, and sugar
• I don’t really count carbs

So now exactly 3 months later, I am down 39 pounds to 194.3.  I feel great, less joint pain and much more energy.

Kimkins has been great primarily for the forums and support.  With all the fussing going on about this program I am seeing alot of forum changes which is a shame, I will still post into our little challenge group  but also expand my thoughts over here and hopefully this little blog will keep me going

Writing all this out has been quite an experience – made me think about alot of things in my life and realize that I need to think about maintenance of this weight loss starting TODAY!  What I have accomplished so far must be maintained!

 Thanks for reading!